When the Department of Justice (and as my Republican parents would argue Mr. Obama himself) posted the FBI sign with their looming seals, my online poker player and I were in Pittsburgh. I was there on business and since Mr. Hoes is from the Steel CIty; we had been looking forward to this trip for many reasons. I personally really enjoy his parents’ company and my best friend from college was meeting us the following day after her, her fiance, and her engagement ring drove in from Akron, OH.

Bride to be and me

I can honestly say it didn’t all settle in until I was sitting in the back of a conference room during a break frantically googling for poker related news on my phone (God the internet is f*ing crazy). My heart sank and at that moment there was nothing I could do. Having grown up in an age of customer service all I wanted was a 1800 number to call and complain till I got the refund (I’ve mastered the ART of asking for the Supervisor). I’ve read the Full Tilt posts regarding their liquidity problems and I’m not sure I could even sway them. I believe Phil Ivey does have a chance but that’s based simply on my belief that he has a charming half-smile (his online avatar does not give him justice).

For the benefit of the laymen, they do exist: Poker Superfans

After being served a quick dose of salt in the eye and consuming enough booze to squash surface emotions so that we could at least bear sitting through the national anthem without interjections of french revolutionary songs,  I began researching (full disclosure: I’m a graduate student and one that LOVES researching). Since sometime in April I have researched a good amount on Costa Rica, how to set up international bank accounts, Bangkok, how to quickly establish residency as a U.S. Citizen, Panama, the cheapest way to move books, Argentina, Brazil, and  how to smuggle a dog .

I would like to take a brief moment to say, I have the most amazing online poker player boyfriend ever for dealing with my excitement, constant pressing, and over all lack of patience while he was going through something I’ll never completely comprehend. At the time the only thing I could offer in the hopes of helping (thanks non-profit salary) were home cooked dinners (selfishly I was also able to buff up my recipe Rolodex), excessive research, and futile attempts at being funny.

This was an appropriate reaction to have towards me at the time

So where has the research brought me? Currently, the only confirmation I’ve received from Mr. Hoes, in a not so direct manner, is that we are moving but when and where is yet to be determined. Because this entire situation makes me feel a bit like Sandra Bullock in The Net, Mexico is an option especially given my background there. Panama and Bangkok are currently in the running. I’m not a huge fan of Canada as a contender for many reasons. Mostly because you can’t live like a queen in Toronto for so little and  there is snow (which I’ve lived with for far to long as is evidenced by the photo below).

HOWEVER, Canada does have an enormous mall with a full amusement park that includes a Pirate Ship. Yet somehow Panama’s mall is able to compete. While Bangkok’s mall just frightens me , but I could work with it. Yes, I’m considering places to move based off mall layout and amenities. I’ve come to realize it completely reflects the culture . This of course further makes me wonder what the hell is up with Canada.

Canada Mall: Umm, thats pretty amazing

Panama Mall: Dressing in loud colors is the only way I wouldn't stand out

Bangkok Mall: There is a horror film just waiting to be made here

P.S. I’ve moved on to playing episodes of Ally McBeal in the background. Everyone should be mutually disgusted.